I wonder how much longer people will stupidly believe that there is true friendship in this world. In my childhood I myself believed in it. But do you really think that those who can freely talk to their mistresses on the mobile phone with their asses comfortably seated in cozy armchairs will care about having true friends? Come on, you are not that stupid! It’s high time you realize there can’t be true friends. And there are no people who can’t be replaced. There is no doubt the moment you found yourself behind bars someone has substituted you on the outside.

In my adolescent years while reading ancient manuscripts I often came across the word ‘illusion’ in the chapters describing human perception of the surrounding world. The ancients maintained that the Universe has little in common with the way it is reflected in human mind. People who are able to have a sensible and unbiased view of things are very few. Homo sapiens tent to build their own castles in the air and believe in all kinds of nonsense like being the center of the Universe, for example.

Every prisoner during his first days of detention has difficulty believing that such a thing could have happened to him. Then they start hoping that the unfortunate mistake would be discovered and they would be released. Illusions are not easy to part with. The most painful thing is to realize that nobody really cares about you outside prison walls. Investigators who try hard to bring this idea home to you to make you more compliant are not far from the sad truth. You’ll have to face the unconsoling reality: people you used to be friendly with won’t stir a finger to help you. If your parents, wife and children and maybe a couple of close friends continue to fight for your release - you can call yourself the luckiest man in the world. You have the most of what you can hope for.

Most of the things are perceived differently by people on either side of prison walls. I don’t know why people on the outside have no doubts that you sleep on clean sheets in a warm bed, that you are decently fed and treated with utmost politeness. They are sure the only thing you lack is freedom. They are unable to perceive the kind of conditions you find yourself in. They refuse to believe that primitive communal system still exists in the center of a big European city. Trying to explain trivial things to them is futile. He who is full can’t comprehend him who is hungry.

When you were a successful businessman a lot of friends or people who wanted to make friends surrounded you. But at the first sign of trouble they all disappeared as if by magic.

- Hello-o-o! Where are you?…

Silence. No answer. Don’t be surprised. There is nothing unusual in the way your associates behave. They maintained relations with you, gave you presents, groveled to you only for their own benefit and not because you are such a nice person to deal with. They forget about you the moment they don’t need you any more. This, however, is not the worst of scenarios. They might still remember you. By way of looking for the best way to share your property while putting all the blame on your head. Nobody takes into account the fact that you might be released from prison because you are not guilty of anything. They have already given up on you.

One of my cell-mates, let’s call him Styopa, had 120 thousand dollars in the circulation of a firm he sat up together with his two best friends. When Styopa was arrested and put to prison his friends were sympathetic for some time but then decided to share his money in the following way:

- ten thousand was given to the family of their unlucky friend as personal assistance from the two of them;

- another ten thousand - to the investigator to make sure their friend gets the longest possible sentence;

- the remaining hundred thousand was equally divided between the two friends who didn’t expect to see their old childhood buddy for at least 15 years.

Styopa, however, had different plan in mind. Prison movement was of no interest to him and he didn’t intend to stay long in the ‘places not so remote’. I don’t know how but this strong-willed guy managed to get released from prison before the trial, his criminal case was closed.

It’s highly unlikely that his old friends were too happy to see Styopa so soon. One of them disappeared, the other managed to emigrate to Israel. The honest investigator and some other functionaries who helped to put Styopa behind bars had to look for other jobs. Knowing Styopa I had no doubt it was only the beginning.

The more I watch people the more convinced I become that they are naïve and stupid creatures. They think everything will be forgotten, lost in the past. They assume there is nothing wrong with breaking into and searching other people’s homes, ruining their lives for the sake of somebody’s successful career. Reveling in their own impunity they forget one simple truth: nothing happens without consequences, everything you do comes back to you. Any word, any impulse is sure to return and hit you with doubled intensity at the moment when you are most vulnerable. There is time for everything.

But enough about ‘guardians of law’. They have chosen their own fate. Let’s better talk about people you dealt with in your everyday life. How did they take your arrest?

As for me, I was most outraged by the pigs whose offspring used to play with my kids at the same playground. Strange, isn’t it? Their attitude to me or my family wasn’t able to change anything. I couldn’t care less. But it’s probably the way people are that small trifle things can strike you harder than a purposeful blow.

Many of those who used to go out of their way praising my kids and trying to make friends with them, all of a sudden stopped noticing them. My kids were too young to realize why usually smiling and affable parents of their playmates turned uncivilized and sullen. But this small episode made me realize what it was like for the families of ‘people’s enemies’ in the Stalinist times. Executioners only did part of the job shooting innocent people or putting them to concentration camps where they died ‘their natural death’. The other part was done by the crowd which created such an atmosphere around the families of prisoners that their lives became unbearable. During rehabilitation that same crowd was in the first ranks of those who demanded to punish the guilty.. However, I can’t remember any public trial of the guilty and some of them are still alive and enjoy the benefits of the so-called ‘personal pensions’.

Those who don’t know how to use their own brains usually rely on public opinion. If newspapers call someone a good man, he is a good man. Though the person remains his own self no matter what is said about him by the bribed reporter.

Same way as on the outside, the crowd behind bars is not able to think independently; neither can separate individuals who make up the crowd. Crowd is incapable of analyzing and appreciating the situation properly or see a person in proper perspective. Crowd needs a master, it needs a carrot and a stick. Crowd is always despised by clever people.

Average citizens taken separately pose no threat. They only become dangerous when they get together, like sheep in the flock, and find an experienced provocateur (liked our beloved Lenin) who is able to direct the brainless crowd to the required course. Eventually on the news there will be a report about another revolution that is sure to bring an old adage to your mind: ‘While the fools fight the clever make money’.

However, I got carried away. To be able to understand why a person you know so well has acted so differently from what you expected you have to look at the things that motivate homo sapiens. It may sound very disappointing but they are mostly motivated by egotism and cowardice. Bold spirits are very few. Altruists are fewer still. In reality close people refuse to have anything to do with you the moment you get in trouble. Unpleasant but quite common fact of life. So my advice to you is to stop banging your head on the wall and wondering where all your friends have disappeared. They haven’t. They go on living their well-off lives. Better learn to control your frustration and make the right conclusions. You’ll deal with them when you are out of here. Better still is to cross them out of your mind forever. Being alone is better than being surrounded by such scum.

Quite often people you try to shield and save from prison are not worth your efforts at all. They only care about themselves. For them the possibility of you giving evidence against them is terrifying. To make you shut up becomes their first priority concern. They don’t care how it will be done - either a handsome sum of money appears in your bank account in the West or you are found strangled under the blanket one day - makes no difference for them. They are only concerned about the result to be achieved in good time.

I remember a guy who decided that his associates on the outside were not attentive enough to his humble needs. He hinted to them he was going to make a frank confession. His friends believed him. The following day he received a letter through his lawyer alongside with a generous parcel, some money was put in his prison account. The silly guy didn’t have much time to rejoice: he was soon found dead on his bunk.

Another story had the same beginning - a gloomy cell-mate felt forgotten by his former friends on the outside. He didn’t resort to blackmail. He took care of his closest friend and his family in a different way. They were all murdered outside their house. The prisoner didn’t know that his friend had already arranged to bribe the investigator to release the unfortunate associates from prison. His other suspects were outraged: there was no other person reliable enough to get them out of prison. The gloomy guy only shrugged helplessly:

My mistake… Things happen…

He himself was upset with the outcome of his revenge. There was no avoiding a prison sentence now, so the future looked no less gloomy than his usual disposition. To my surprise, however, the murder of innocent people didn’t lie heavy on his conscience. When I tried talking to him about it he would stop me by saying: ‘It’s all in the past’ and retreat into himself. He obviously wasn’t the kind of person to be conscience-stricken.

In prison the laws of human society are the same as on the outside. Information is the most precious commodity everywhere. Much, if not everything, depends on having it. For the prisoner who is prepared to break the metal bars with his bare hands in order to get free, information is like a breath of fresh air. All the efforts of such prisoners are directed to one goal - be released as soon as possible. Other prisoners would rather try and make their imprisonment quiet and comfortable. One such prisoner, let’s call him M., amazed me: he managed to get a credit from the bank while resting on prison bunk. He directed all his energy to writing business plans and working out all kinds of programs and documents. His lawyer passed all those to his associates who put them into the computer and then used for their purposes. The ’writer’ was charged with financial machinations and failure to return the credits.

His swindle with trains deserves to be put in the textbook on market economy of the transitional period from socialism to capitalism. It was no secret that M. was involved in exporting goods to the West. But nobody knew what exactly he was selling and how. Every time a steam locomotive with few empty carriages approached the border customs officers would search it very thoroughly looking for gold, diamonds, icons, drugs, etc. All in vain. Nothing has ever been found. Meanwhile M. bought a luxury apartment in Kiev and a brand new Mercedes. The trains kept leaving the country until somebody at the customs noticed that they never returned. None of them. It was only then that they realized the simple truth: M. sold trains themselves! But who would need those obsolete iron monsters? The answer was most prosaic: the trains were sold as scrap metal. The only discrepancy was that the exported trains weren’t M’s property, they belonged to the state. M. only rented them for temporal use. He was arrested at the airport when he intended to leave the country for good.

There is no doubt that M. stood out among other inmates. I have never seen anyone so actively involved in doing business on the outside while being behind bars. In fact, M. continued to manage his small empire from a tiny smelly cell. His case is an exception to the general rule. Not everyone is capable of living such a fully fledged life in normal circumstances, let alone in prison.

Watching M’s activities I sometimes had the impression that it wasn’t prison that had him under control but he who controlled the prison. M. managed to get something from practically everyone, be it information, food, clothes, services or favors. Wardens, cops, investigators - all tried their best to gain favor with him. They hanged around M. like prostitutes around a generous client. He was useful in all respects. As a rich man who knew how to share with others. As an informant ready for any compromise to save his skin.

When I first met M. I immediately remembered Yustas from SPD. There was a certain similarity between them. Maybe it was their active participation in life, refusal to go with the stream and be an obedient screw in the machine called the State. On the other hand, these two bright characters can hardly be put on the same level. Yustas was a real man, not a mammal like most others. He hated and despised any representatives of the law enforcement bodies; for him establishing contacts with them was humiliating. The wardens paid him back in his own coin and never missed a chance to degrade him. Yustas could only rely on the outside assistance through his contacts with lawyers.

Lawyers, no matter what one might say, play an important part in prison life. For prisoners they are the only link with the outside world. Objectivity of the information coming to you and going from you fully depends on their decency and professionalism. It is within their power to improve (or make worse) your living conditions in prison. They can help make your prison sentence shorter. Besides, just talking to a lawyer about simple mundane things helps you to relax, relieves tension.

To find a good lawyer is as difficult as to trace a living dinosaur in the Pamir mountains. During the first days of your detention the investigator will try to make you accept the lawyer he is recommending. There is nothing wrong with such a lawyer, he has all necessary certificates and diplomas, but his objectives are contrary to yours. He usually works in close cooperation with the cops and will try to get maximum information out of you. That’s what he is paid for.

It’s common knowledge that in Ukraine you don’t have to be guilty to find yourself behind bars. It’s a copy-book truth in the country where practically all the population have been through prisons and camps. Strange as it may seem, every Ukrainian citizen is convinced that it’s not going to happen to him personally. Never. And when it does happen either with him or with his close relative it always takes him unawares and totally unprepared. People are unable to make right decisions. They make a lot of mistakes instead. Hiring the first lawyer who comes their way is one of the most typical.

To be able to hire a really good lawyer two things are required: connections and money. Good lawyers are quite expensive, so very few prisoners are able to afford them. Expensive lawyers can’t be a guarantee of good work. Quite often their efforts are only directed towards getting out of your relatives as much money as possible. Besides, you can’t be absolutely sure that your lawyer whom you trusted confidential information won’t attempt to blackmail you in some artful way after you are released from prison.

So as you see, getting a good and trustworthy lawyer is as easy as looking for a needle in a haystack. But suppose good luck was on your side and your lawyer is a decent fellow really eager to help you and your family. In this case his interests are contrary to the interests of investigation. Those who were impudent enough to break into your home in the middle of the night won’t be thrilled by the prospects of having to deal with a conscientious lawyer.

‘Guardians of law’ will first try to win him over on their side. If they fail to do so they are sure to try and make him drop your case. They might even arrange an anonymous denunciation or detain your lawyer for fifteen days. For altercation with the police, for example. Or swearing in public places. Quite primitive but effective method.

I’m telling you all this not to discourage and upset you. On the contrary. You got involved in the game which provides no room for the weak. If you want to survive you ought to know what you’ll have to face.

I have already said that in the so-called ‘independent Ukraine’ law enforcement bodies are the most criminalized part of the society. Mass media are hysterical about the wild outburst of crime in the country, but they don’t show the true state of affairs. Their campaign serves as a convenient cover for the true criminals in police uniforms who only deserve to be put in the dock. If those ardent fighters with criminals were able to think, at least sometimes, they would inevitably start wondering what had become of those who unleashed genocide of the nation in the thirties. In the end those who killed innocent people were shot by their fellow-comrades.

But today the ‘guardians of law’ don’t like to be reminded of the past. If they remembered the consequences maybe fewer people died in prisons during preliminary investigation. But they are too busy to ponder over such trifles. They push on while they still have support of the authorities and are able to hide their own crimes behind the beautiful slogans of fighting the criminal elements. To find out the truth is practically impossible: it is safely buried behind the so-called ‘privacy of investigation’.

Law enforcement bodies constantly complain that they are ill-equipped, poorly protected and lack proper funding. Reporters willing to gain favor with authorities load this crap into the minds of the intimidated fellow citizens. But none of them mentions the fact that every criminal gang operates under the cover and with the blessing of the law enforcement bodies who get their share in the deal. Drugs and prostitutes are their most common activities.

It’s no secret that cops first help to form criminal gangs and later, when they become no longer useful, expose of them. Crowd needs heroes, but it also needs victims. Who are they fighting against, I wonder? Themselves? Isn’t it easier to make those who are already behind bars admit crimes they have never committed?

I feel terribly tired. Not of the prison. I have lived all my life in the country that is a prison itself. All I have managed to achieve was not owing to this country but despite it. I am sick and tired of everyday lies in press, on radio and TV. Remember George Orwell? His ‘1984’ is about us, the slogan of Big Brother “War is Peace” has moved from the pages of the book to our TV screens. All human values are perverted, people’s minds are so distorted that they can’t make out what we need such a big army for or why the population of Ukraine has dicreased from 52 mln. to 48mln.700 thousand people within three years (1995-1998).

The minds of common people have been prepared to accept the fact that dictatorship is better than democracy, that capital punishment is necessary for Ukraine and if someone is put to prison and dies there - that’s exactly what he deserves. The preparatory work is over. There is only one more step remained…

Can you hear unhurried muffled steps of a warden outside the cell? He is passing by right now. What if he stops by our door? Maybe in a moment the door will open and one of us will be ordered out with his personal belongings? What awaits ahead? A different cell? a different prison? Or maybe (I’m afraid to utter the word aloud), maybe freedom?

The nerves are on edge.

The eyes stare at the heavy metal door.